We've all heard the expression "live like there's no tomorrow" - which from my experience usually only comes into play when wanting to devour an ice cream cone or have a few extra drinks at a party. It's an expression we live by in order to justify certain behaviors or events, and that's about it. But what if you literally viewed your daily life as if you, or your loved ones, would be gone tomorrow? This was the subject in a recent chapter I read from The Untethered Soul - and at first, it seemed extreme. I could see living moments this way, like giving your children an extra hug after hearing about a childhood death, or being totally present while visiting an elderly family member - but to keep this mind set with every event of every day? Seemed a little morbid.
We all think we have "time" before we die, when the reality is that we have no clue. Chances are that we will not get the infamous final warning and countdown in which we decide to jump out of a plane and complete other bucket list items. It is true, however, that the notion of nearing death changes your views on just about everything. This particular chapter challenges you to walk through your day believing just that: this breath may be my last. And it's true - you do look at things differently, and not in the morbid, poor-me kind of way, but in the "wow, I never noticed how the tree line silhouettes against the sky" kind of way.
It challenges you to view death as a positive, instead of a negative. After all, death is the reason that life is precious in the first place. Something as simple as a car ride to the grocery store can end in a terrible accident, so to treat everyday as if it's your last is actually not all that unrealistic. And when your time comes, you want to feel "okay" with it, in the sense that you lived life to the fullest, and not that you got a list of things done beforehand.
Some of the examples in this chapter were hard to read. For example, it talked about patience with your kids, and that anytime you feel the urge to lash out, yell, punish, whatever it may be - to imagine them gone. Imagine that the moment after your patience was lost, that there was a tragic accident and that child was taken from you. Would you have dealt with the situation any different knowing those loud, frustrated words would be the last? Of course you would. But how terrible, in my mind, would it be to stop and imagine your child taken away from you whenever you "had a moment"? I couldn't help but feel that this was extreme - until I challenged myself to think this way. And you know what? It worked. It put the little things my children did to annoy me into perspective. It allowed my punishments for poor behavior to be explained in a calm manner. It made me stop and pay attention to little stories, expressions, and playtime just a little bit more than before. It didn't make me sad, or morbid feeling, it was a wake up call. Anything can happen at anytime, and if it takes that simple reminder to keep cool, calm, and collected, then so be it. The kids still learn lessons, but through this ultimate lesson in life that there may not be a tomorrow, I learn the most. And I will never regret spending more time and attention to those little beauties.
So to continue this little challenge, I remind myself of life's frailty anytime I'm feeling stressed, overwhelmed, inpatient, or unhappy. I immediately change my train of thought to the positives, and really cherish the present moment I am living. This has been one of my favorite chapters in all of the reading I've done in mindfulness, happiness, and being present. It has taught me a lot, and after starting out pretty skeptical, I'm actually enjoying the positive shift in energy this thought process has brought along with it.
Because, you really just never know...
Saturday, June 13, 2015
Friday, February 6, 2015
It's Working
For the first time, I am able to look back to negative experiences in my past and feel little emotional change. Things that used to make my stomach drop, heart race, guilt rise - I can finally face them with an inner calm that I never thought would be possible. I used to think that in order to "fix" my past, I had to confront each person involved, when really, all I had to do was forgive myself and allow myself to be free of whatever the event may have been.
So, I did as my studies have told me. I allowed these uncomfortable memories to surface. I kept my shoulders relaxed and heart open. I allowed it to hurt. I visualized them passing right through my heart, and eventually out of my body. Knowing that the emotional shifts I was experiencing were nothing more than changes in my energies kept me feeling in control; "this too shall pass". I relived moments that imprisoned me on such a deep level, and knew that those feelings would go away if I simply allowed them to. I was skeptical, but willing to try anything that would lead to a better self, clearer mind, and inner peace. It wasn't until these memories resurfaced after these releasing "sessions" that I truly felt a change.
Take for example my past with Lyla's biological father. It's something I always held deep in my heart with great guilt, disgust, and embarrassment. Even just the mention of his name caused my heart to feel pinched and a disgraced look to appear on my face. As much and I love my Lyla and wouldn't change a thing about her being in my life, I always regretted the situation. This was some heavy emotional baggage to carry, and I felt its weight daily. Once I was able to allow all of that resurface with the mindset of forgiving and letting go, I was actually able to. How could I tell? How would I know if all this "meditation hippie shit" actually worked? I could literally tell from the inside; from the difference in my energies and emotions when his name is brought up. From not feeling queasy at the mention of his hometown. From truly feeling relaxed and at ease with the whole situation. This, I feel, is my first real experience in being free. Something that has weighed me down and kept negativity inside for over 6 years is now no longer a burden. I can think of him and smile, because regardless of how it happened, he gave my daughter life. I don't need to be angry or resentful - why choose misery when you can choose happiness? It's empowering.
I feel a similar freedom to other things from my past that I've worked through, whether it's forgiving others or forgiving myself. I am creating a better person every time I practice my "hippie shit" - and I'll take it. It's amazing when you see hard work pay off, and that's exactly how I feel. This shits working.
So, I did as my studies have told me. I allowed these uncomfortable memories to surface. I kept my shoulders relaxed and heart open. I allowed it to hurt. I visualized them passing right through my heart, and eventually out of my body. Knowing that the emotional shifts I was experiencing were nothing more than changes in my energies kept me feeling in control; "this too shall pass". I relived moments that imprisoned me on such a deep level, and knew that those feelings would go away if I simply allowed them to. I was skeptical, but willing to try anything that would lead to a better self, clearer mind, and inner peace. It wasn't until these memories resurfaced after these releasing "sessions" that I truly felt a change.
Take for example my past with Lyla's biological father. It's something I always held deep in my heart with great guilt, disgust, and embarrassment. Even just the mention of his name caused my heart to feel pinched and a disgraced look to appear on my face. As much and I love my Lyla and wouldn't change a thing about her being in my life, I always regretted the situation. This was some heavy emotional baggage to carry, and I felt its weight daily. Once I was able to allow all of that resurface with the mindset of forgiving and letting go, I was actually able to. How could I tell? How would I know if all this "meditation hippie shit" actually worked? I could literally tell from the inside; from the difference in my energies and emotions when his name is brought up. From not feeling queasy at the mention of his hometown. From truly feeling relaxed and at ease with the whole situation. This, I feel, is my first real experience in being free. Something that has weighed me down and kept negativity inside for over 6 years is now no longer a burden. I can think of him and smile, because regardless of how it happened, he gave my daughter life. I don't need to be angry or resentful - why choose misery when you can choose happiness? It's empowering.
I feel a similar freedom to other things from my past that I've worked through, whether it's forgiving others or forgiving myself. I am creating a better person every time I practice my "hippie shit" - and I'll take it. It's amazing when you see hard work pay off, and that's exactly how I feel. This shits working.
Monday, February 2, 2015
My Methods of Self Care
For me, taking care of myself means more than the standard eating well and exercising. Although those 2 things factor majorly into my life, I have experimented with other ways of well-being to see what differences I may feel. Here are things I do daily to help me be at my best.
Oil pulling. This is a fairly new addition to my daily routine, but even after a short time, I am feeling the benefits. Oil pulling is when you swish oil around in your mouth for 20 minutes in the morning before brushing, drinking or eating. I use coconut oil, but you can also use olive oil. Many benefits are associated with this, but the ones that stuck with me are these:
-pulls toxins out of your body (which is why its important to spit it out after the 20 minutes!)
-whitens teeth
-clears skin
Dry brushing. Also known as skin brushing, is when you take a natural brush (one that looks like a loofa for the shower with a wooden handle) and literally brush your skin with strokes leading toward the heart. Some of the benefits of dry brushing include:
-increased circulation
-exfoliation
-cellulite reduction
I do this daily before I shower. I feel amazing, both because my skin is like silk, but also because I know I'm taking an extra 5-10 minutes each day to take care of myself.
Lotion. This is so simple, but everyday after I shower I lather my skin with moisturizer.
Face wash. This one has less to do with the actual act of washing my face and more about what I use and how I do it; for months I've been washing my face with coconut oil mixed with tea tree oil. You wet your face, rub the oil in just like any other face wash, but instead of rinsing it off you wipe it with a hot towel. Before wiping it away, you rest the towel over your face for a few breaths. The aroma of the oils and the warmth of the cloth is so instantly soothing. Any extra oil gets absorbed by my skin and it is left feeling smooth and moisturized.
Yoga. For the last 2 weeks I have made it a habit to do anywhere from 10-30 minutes of gentle yoga before bed. Not only does this allow me to unwind from my day, but the increase in my flexibility is reassuring me that I'm doing my body good. Especially when I may not remember to stretch after a run or gym session, I know I'm still getting it in. I've been falling asleep faster, what seems to be sleeping deeper, and just feel better inside and out.
Afternoon tea. Especially with the cold winter upon us, I have really learned to look forward to and enjoy a hot cup of tea. I usually have mine after lunch which helps my body realize that I'm full, and I've noticed improvements in my digestion since this "tea time" relaxes my body and allows my body to digest my meal at its best.
Reading. I consider this a method of self care because it's something I truly enjoy. It's quiet, uninterrupted time just for me. It distracts me from housework, boredom snacking, or whatever else. The more I read the less I want to check my phone or turn on the TV, which in my opinion is just a-OK.
I work each and every one of these things into my daily routine. Each may only take a few minutes at a time, and the knowledge I gain from doing something good for my mind and body keeps me on a positive track for the rest of the day. I simply feel good :)
Oil pulling. This is a fairly new addition to my daily routine, but even after a short time, I am feeling the benefits. Oil pulling is when you swish oil around in your mouth for 20 minutes in the morning before brushing, drinking or eating. I use coconut oil, but you can also use olive oil. Many benefits are associated with this, but the ones that stuck with me are these:
-pulls toxins out of your body (which is why its important to spit it out after the 20 minutes!)
-whitens teeth
-clears skin
Dry brushing. Also known as skin brushing, is when you take a natural brush (one that looks like a loofa for the shower with a wooden handle) and literally brush your skin with strokes leading toward the heart. Some of the benefits of dry brushing include:
-increased circulation
-exfoliation
-cellulite reduction
I do this daily before I shower. I feel amazing, both because my skin is like silk, but also because I know I'm taking an extra 5-10 minutes each day to take care of myself.
Lotion. This is so simple, but everyday after I shower I lather my skin with moisturizer.
Face wash. This one has less to do with the actual act of washing my face and more about what I use and how I do it; for months I've been washing my face with coconut oil mixed with tea tree oil. You wet your face, rub the oil in just like any other face wash, but instead of rinsing it off you wipe it with a hot towel. Before wiping it away, you rest the towel over your face for a few breaths. The aroma of the oils and the warmth of the cloth is so instantly soothing. Any extra oil gets absorbed by my skin and it is left feeling smooth and moisturized.
Yoga. For the last 2 weeks I have made it a habit to do anywhere from 10-30 minutes of gentle yoga before bed. Not only does this allow me to unwind from my day, but the increase in my flexibility is reassuring me that I'm doing my body good. Especially when I may not remember to stretch after a run or gym session, I know I'm still getting it in. I've been falling asleep faster, what seems to be sleeping deeper, and just feel better inside and out.
Afternoon tea. Especially with the cold winter upon us, I have really learned to look forward to and enjoy a hot cup of tea. I usually have mine after lunch which helps my body realize that I'm full, and I've noticed improvements in my digestion since this "tea time" relaxes my body and allows my body to digest my meal at its best.
Reading. I consider this a method of self care because it's something I truly enjoy. It's quiet, uninterrupted time just for me. It distracts me from housework, boredom snacking, or whatever else. The more I read the less I want to check my phone or turn on the TV, which in my opinion is just a-OK.
I work each and every one of these things into my daily routine. Each may only take a few minutes at a time, and the knowledge I gain from doing something good for my mind and body keeps me on a positive track for the rest of the day. I simply feel good :)
Seeing Results
Learning to let go can be tough. Most people relate this to a person or relationship, but in my case, my letting go had to do with my parenting.
I'll admit it, for most of my 5+ years of being a mother, I was a total helicopter parent. I would hover over my kids, make sure our time was spent reading, crafting, outdoors, and doing something educational. I was right there on the playground with them, on the floor coloring next to them, and would even feel guilty if I were to squeeze in some dishes or laundry while they played nicely alone. I put lots of pressure on myself as a mother, and left very little time for myself and my needs; this was hard to regret since I know how fast their childhood will pass by. I felt myself get overwhelmed easily because of the daily schedule I abided to, and really envied my working husband. I counted the minutes until he arrived home every day - both so I could have another adult to chat with and also so I could pee without company for the first time that day. I enjoyed my time with the girls, but also relied heavily on the clock for moments of relief, like meal and bed times, to break up the day. I knew I was being a good mother, but I didn't feel balanced. This helicopter had to be shut down.
And so, I had to let go of what I thought made me a good mother. I needed to tell myself it was okay if I didn't want to visit 3 playgrounds that day, or read to Lyla for the entire length of Hannah's nap. I also had to tell myself it was okay to take moments in the day that were just for me, even if it was as simple as a quick hot shower after a run (because, yes, I even viewed a shower as "time away" from the girls and usually opted to be nice and dirty until nap or bedtime when it wasn't "selfish" to shower).
One of the most empowering things I've learned to do is to say "no" without fear of hurting others. If I wasn't up for a road trip or a play date, I simply said "not today", whereas before I would say yes to everything and wind up running around to please everyone. I spent more time rushing my kids from here to there than I did spending quality time for them. Relaxed time at home allows me to have these little moments with the girls that I otherwise would have missed; like noticing how big their hands have got but yet how small they still are, or my favorite "cheek time" when I press my cheek up against theirs. There is no better feeling than this: their warm delicate skin pressed against mine. I love being able to pause and just watch them too; their different expressions, how they interact, what they show passion in...I learn so much about them by simply standing back and watching. This has reassured me that my kids are just fine when I'm not sitting right beside them or suggesting the next educational activity to keep them busy. They keep themselves busy and their imaginations are beautiful.
During these times when they are able to play nicely together, I've also learned to let go of what "needs" to be done, and take advantage of these moments for myself. I'll do yoga, write, read, or enjoy a cup of tea. 6 months ago, I could have never allowed myself to relax like this. I would feel anxious about the house work that awaited, or feel wrong about reading myself a book when that time could be spent reading to the girls. It took some mental work, but after doing it a few times, I became comfortable, and also realized that my girls have the ability to go long stretches without an argument or a "MOMMMM" wale. Who knew? Helicopter mom certainly didn't because she'd never allow that much "un-attended" time to go by.
It feels amazing to finally start seeing results on my journey to true happiness after months of reading, writing, and practicing. I truly do feel an inner calm, and most important of all, I feel balanced. I feel like I give my kids, myself, and my husband the time and care that is needed. I feel more relaxed on a daily basis knowing I never "have" to do anything, and am able to let the day unfold on its own; no clock-watching, no need for breaks, I am really just living. My ability to stop and enjoy whatever comes my way is empowering - it's the ultimate control. After all, it's not what happens to you, but how you choose to handle it. I am able to see the good over the bad, the positives over the negatives, and most important, my kids needs as well as my own.
I'll admit it, for most of my 5+ years of being a mother, I was a total helicopter parent. I would hover over my kids, make sure our time was spent reading, crafting, outdoors, and doing something educational. I was right there on the playground with them, on the floor coloring next to them, and would even feel guilty if I were to squeeze in some dishes or laundry while they played nicely alone. I put lots of pressure on myself as a mother, and left very little time for myself and my needs; this was hard to regret since I know how fast their childhood will pass by. I felt myself get overwhelmed easily because of the daily schedule I abided to, and really envied my working husband. I counted the minutes until he arrived home every day - both so I could have another adult to chat with and also so I could pee without company for the first time that day. I enjoyed my time with the girls, but also relied heavily on the clock for moments of relief, like meal and bed times, to break up the day. I knew I was being a good mother, but I didn't feel balanced. This helicopter had to be shut down.
And so, I had to let go of what I thought made me a good mother. I needed to tell myself it was okay if I didn't want to visit 3 playgrounds that day, or read to Lyla for the entire length of Hannah's nap. I also had to tell myself it was okay to take moments in the day that were just for me, even if it was as simple as a quick hot shower after a run (because, yes, I even viewed a shower as "time away" from the girls and usually opted to be nice and dirty until nap or bedtime when it wasn't "selfish" to shower).
One of the most empowering things I've learned to do is to say "no" without fear of hurting others. If I wasn't up for a road trip or a play date, I simply said "not today", whereas before I would say yes to everything and wind up running around to please everyone. I spent more time rushing my kids from here to there than I did spending quality time for them. Relaxed time at home allows me to have these little moments with the girls that I otherwise would have missed; like noticing how big their hands have got but yet how small they still are, or my favorite "cheek time" when I press my cheek up against theirs. There is no better feeling than this: their warm delicate skin pressed against mine. I love being able to pause and just watch them too; their different expressions, how they interact, what they show passion in...I learn so much about them by simply standing back and watching. This has reassured me that my kids are just fine when I'm not sitting right beside them or suggesting the next educational activity to keep them busy. They keep themselves busy and their imaginations are beautiful.
During these times when they are able to play nicely together, I've also learned to let go of what "needs" to be done, and take advantage of these moments for myself. I'll do yoga, write, read, or enjoy a cup of tea. 6 months ago, I could have never allowed myself to relax like this. I would feel anxious about the house work that awaited, or feel wrong about reading myself a book when that time could be spent reading to the girls. It took some mental work, but after doing it a few times, I became comfortable, and also realized that my girls have the ability to go long stretches without an argument or a "MOMMMM" wale. Who knew? Helicopter mom certainly didn't because she'd never allow that much "un-attended" time to go by.
It feels amazing to finally start seeing results on my journey to true happiness after months of reading, writing, and practicing. I truly do feel an inner calm, and most important of all, I feel balanced. I feel like I give my kids, myself, and my husband the time and care that is needed. I feel more relaxed on a daily basis knowing I never "have" to do anything, and am able to let the day unfold on its own; no clock-watching, no need for breaks, I am really just living. My ability to stop and enjoy whatever comes my way is empowering - it's the ultimate control. After all, it's not what happens to you, but how you choose to handle it. I am able to see the good over the bad, the positives over the negatives, and most important, my kids needs as well as my own.
Thursday, January 22, 2015
Book Inspiration
I'm about halfway though the book The Untethered Soul, and I am realizing just how difficult this journey to true happiness really is. This book is a hard truth about who you really are, and makes you aware of every thought, emotion, and movement you experience throughout your entire day. To be honest, it's making me feel a little crazy. But I'm dedicated to the life I am living and also the life I wish to live, and so I take on this challenge.
To give you an idea of the craziness, one of the first exercises the book suggests is to imagine that the voice inside your head is an actual person in the room with you. This visual, along with the constant chatter of your mind, quickly makes you realize that this is not someone you would be friends with. Or even want to spend 5 minutes with. "I should do the dishes. I really don't want to. Maybe my husband will do them - HA - yeah right. Did I lock the door when I came inside? Shit, don't think I did. Did I? Great, now a burglar is going to come in and murder me. I'll go lock the door. Then I'll do the damn dishes" - it never shuts up. It goes from one thought to the next, chatting along without a single pause. If this was a real life person, I would punch them.
Scary thing is, this "friend" is the one who controls my every move throughout the day.
The idea of this exercise is not to attempt to stop the thoughts, but to simply be aware of them. Be conscious of all the things going on in your mind. Notice how many thoughts come and go in a few seconds time. The choice you have is to go with those thoughts, or to let them pass through.
Example: One night after watching a gushy romantic movie, I thought to myself "hmm, Eric never brings me flowers". I could have left it at that, because quite frankly I don't give a shit whether or not he brings me flowers. But instead, because the over-the-top husband in the movie surprised his wife with flowers, I was mad. I hitched a ride on this one little thought and let it spiral out of control. "I work so hard as a mom all day and he can't, not even once, bring me some damn flowers!? Does he even think of me!? What a selfish man." What adds fuel to the fire is expectation. "He's late from the gym, again. OH! Maybe he's late because he's surprising me with flowers! Yay!" Only for my husband to walk in the door from a long day at work and hefty gym session, empty handed. I had no right to be, but I was pissed. All because I let that one little blip about flowers that came to mind consume my every thought, causing my emotions to get involved.
Ever heard that the mind is a dangerous place? Abso-fucking-lutely.
And not "hitching a ride" with these thoughts takes extreme willpower. You have to acknowledge that they are there, and let them pass through. Sounds simple, but when that heart rate creeps up and the thought can't seem to find it's way out, you've got a problem. It's something, according to this book, that will take years of centering and awareness to become natural to the mind. I've got all the time in the world to create this inner peace, so bring it on, willpower.
The latest exercise noted is to open your heart. Not only to love, but to the bad stuff too; vulnerability, hurt, disappointment. We all tend to guard our hearts to prevent us from getting hurt, but it really doesn't do us any good. It creates walls, and a dark place to store painful memories. To truly open your heart is to let all the bad shit come bubbling up - and deal with it. Let it be painful, let it come out, because this is the only true way to release your body of it. You have to really (and I mean really) deal with every single deep dark thought, emotion or memory that you have buried. Stop justifying them - admit to them. Be brutally honest with yourself. Do what you need to so that these thoughts can stop creeping into your mind. Bring them up, deal with them, and release them. And once you do - don't re-close your heart. Don't let anything else get stuck inside, let everything move like the breath: in and out.
Another example used in the book has to do with the way you might feel about a person when things are going your way, and then how those feelings change when arguments or disagreements come into play. An open heart allows you to truly love a person at their best AND at their worst. When these conflicts come up, it is suggested to release your shoulders and soften the area around your heart. Tell yourself that you will not close, that you will remain open and that this one moment does not defy the depths of your feelings. To stay open is to truly conquer the problem at hand, instead of causing one more wall in your heart and even more buried feelings.
I've been doing this a lot. If I feel that overwhelming feeling creeping into my spine, I physically lower my shoulders, and imagine the area around my heart softening. I tell myself that no matter how loud my children scream, I don't love them any less. I choose to keep my heart open, and refuse frustration. I know that no matter what is going on around me, it is only me who can control what is going on inside. I feel my best when I am at peace, when I am calm, and when I don't let the things on the outside affect what I'm feeling on the inside. It doesn't always come this easy, but I've learned that in the few moments it has, it is worth working on endlessly until I reach that desired point of it being a natural state for my mind. It feels simply amazing.
Showing myself the control I can have inside is empowering. It makes me strive to continue to work a it as I grow into deeper self love. I cannot wait to meet the person I ultimately become after these practices, but for now I am enjoying the journey, loving the learning, and most importantly, loving how I feel.
To give you an idea of the craziness, one of the first exercises the book suggests is to imagine that the voice inside your head is an actual person in the room with you. This visual, along with the constant chatter of your mind, quickly makes you realize that this is not someone you would be friends with. Or even want to spend 5 minutes with. "I should do the dishes. I really don't want to. Maybe my husband will do them - HA - yeah right. Did I lock the door when I came inside? Shit, don't think I did. Did I? Great, now a burglar is going to come in and murder me. I'll go lock the door. Then I'll do the damn dishes" - it never shuts up. It goes from one thought to the next, chatting along without a single pause. If this was a real life person, I would punch them.
Scary thing is, this "friend" is the one who controls my every move throughout the day.
The idea of this exercise is not to attempt to stop the thoughts, but to simply be aware of them. Be conscious of all the things going on in your mind. Notice how many thoughts come and go in a few seconds time. The choice you have is to go with those thoughts, or to let them pass through.
Example: One night after watching a gushy romantic movie, I thought to myself "hmm, Eric never brings me flowers". I could have left it at that, because quite frankly I don't give a shit whether or not he brings me flowers. But instead, because the over-the-top husband in the movie surprised his wife with flowers, I was mad. I hitched a ride on this one little thought and let it spiral out of control. "I work so hard as a mom all day and he can't, not even once, bring me some damn flowers!? Does he even think of me!? What a selfish man." What adds fuel to the fire is expectation. "He's late from the gym, again. OH! Maybe he's late because he's surprising me with flowers! Yay!" Only for my husband to walk in the door from a long day at work and hefty gym session, empty handed. I had no right to be, but I was pissed. All because I let that one little blip about flowers that came to mind consume my every thought, causing my emotions to get involved.
Ever heard that the mind is a dangerous place? Abso-fucking-lutely.
And not "hitching a ride" with these thoughts takes extreme willpower. You have to acknowledge that they are there, and let them pass through. Sounds simple, but when that heart rate creeps up and the thought can't seem to find it's way out, you've got a problem. It's something, according to this book, that will take years of centering and awareness to become natural to the mind. I've got all the time in the world to create this inner peace, so bring it on, willpower.
The latest exercise noted is to open your heart. Not only to love, but to the bad stuff too; vulnerability, hurt, disappointment. We all tend to guard our hearts to prevent us from getting hurt, but it really doesn't do us any good. It creates walls, and a dark place to store painful memories. To truly open your heart is to let all the bad shit come bubbling up - and deal with it. Let it be painful, let it come out, because this is the only true way to release your body of it. You have to really (and I mean really) deal with every single deep dark thought, emotion or memory that you have buried. Stop justifying them - admit to them. Be brutally honest with yourself. Do what you need to so that these thoughts can stop creeping into your mind. Bring them up, deal with them, and release them. And once you do - don't re-close your heart. Don't let anything else get stuck inside, let everything move like the breath: in and out.
Another example used in the book has to do with the way you might feel about a person when things are going your way, and then how those feelings change when arguments or disagreements come into play. An open heart allows you to truly love a person at their best AND at their worst. When these conflicts come up, it is suggested to release your shoulders and soften the area around your heart. Tell yourself that you will not close, that you will remain open and that this one moment does not defy the depths of your feelings. To stay open is to truly conquer the problem at hand, instead of causing one more wall in your heart and even more buried feelings.
I've been doing this a lot. If I feel that overwhelming feeling creeping into my spine, I physically lower my shoulders, and imagine the area around my heart softening. I tell myself that no matter how loud my children scream, I don't love them any less. I choose to keep my heart open, and refuse frustration. I know that no matter what is going on around me, it is only me who can control what is going on inside. I feel my best when I am at peace, when I am calm, and when I don't let the things on the outside affect what I'm feeling on the inside. It doesn't always come this easy, but I've learned that in the few moments it has, it is worth working on endlessly until I reach that desired point of it being a natural state for my mind. It feels simply amazing.
Showing myself the control I can have inside is empowering. It makes me strive to continue to work a it as I grow into deeper self love. I cannot wait to meet the person I ultimately become after these practices, but for now I am enjoying the journey, loving the learning, and most importantly, loving how I feel.
Thursday, January 15, 2015
Self-Love: Stretching
Stretching, of all the simple things, has been a key tool when used to control things in my daily life. I never thought something so obvious, so easy, could be so powerful. It has literally changed the way I view and react to things. Here's just what it has done for me.
If I stretch first thing in the morning, it starts my day on a good note. I take long, deep breaths and tune into how my body feels that day. I take several breaths to give each body part a good stretch; this allows me to mentally prepare for the day ahead. I can even calm myself down before things occur by reminding myself of little things, like the fact that my kids are simply just that - kids. So, when the first thing I hear that day is "MOM! Hannah hit me!", I can handle it with a clear mind, and am less likely to resort right to yelling; something that is more apt to happen when I jump out of bed and immediately begin rushing around to pack lunches and get ready for the school and work day. That short time spent stretching first thing truly relaxes my body and mind, and prepares me for the chaos of the day.
On mornings when the kids are my alarm, or I am up before the sun to exercise, this little stretching session isn't likely. On these days, I try to use Hannah's nap time and Lyla's school time to focus on myself. A few days a week, I will add in some extra self care by foam rolling and doing some deep tissue work or pressure points with a lacrosse ball. These days are most rewarding because my sore muscles are a reminder of how hard I trained that week, and the relief I feel is the ultimate sign that I cared for myself.
Stretching has even helped me grasp control of my struggle with food. Had I known that this simple practice could have controlled my disorders back when I was controlled by them, I would have been healthier years ago. As I stated before, when I stretch, it allows me to tune into my body. This includes hunger. I find that when I have a stretching session before a meal, I am more mindful of the foods I make and the portions I eat. Stretching makes me feel good about myself the way a good work out does. Just like I am not likely to come home from a great day at the gym and devour a candy bar, I am less likely to under or over eat after a good stretch. This has been a huge help with the downfall of nighttime snacking, which is probably why late evening is my most productive, intuitive time.
Nighttime stretching is amazing. After the girls are in bed and I treat myself to a glass of wine or a snack, I hit the yoga mat and sort out my day. I notice the full feeling I have. I notice any muscle that need a little more attention. I breathe out the bad moments and stretch deeply into them. Similar to meditation, I relax each body part starting with my toes and swirling up to my head. I fall asleep sooner, sleep deeper, and set myself up for yet another day on the right foot.
Feeling good about myself through stretching has brought on other good habits that add to my self-love and happiness journey, such as books over TV, tea over coffee, deep breaths before reacting, and time well spent with others.
All of this from simply stretching. Who knew?
If I stretch first thing in the morning, it starts my day on a good note. I take long, deep breaths and tune into how my body feels that day. I take several breaths to give each body part a good stretch; this allows me to mentally prepare for the day ahead. I can even calm myself down before things occur by reminding myself of little things, like the fact that my kids are simply just that - kids. So, when the first thing I hear that day is "MOM! Hannah hit me!", I can handle it with a clear mind, and am less likely to resort right to yelling; something that is more apt to happen when I jump out of bed and immediately begin rushing around to pack lunches and get ready for the school and work day. That short time spent stretching first thing truly relaxes my body and mind, and prepares me for the chaos of the day.
On mornings when the kids are my alarm, or I am up before the sun to exercise, this little stretching session isn't likely. On these days, I try to use Hannah's nap time and Lyla's school time to focus on myself. A few days a week, I will add in some extra self care by foam rolling and doing some deep tissue work or pressure points with a lacrosse ball. These days are most rewarding because my sore muscles are a reminder of how hard I trained that week, and the relief I feel is the ultimate sign that I cared for myself.
Stretching has even helped me grasp control of my struggle with food. Had I known that this simple practice could have controlled my disorders back when I was controlled by them, I would have been healthier years ago. As I stated before, when I stretch, it allows me to tune into my body. This includes hunger. I find that when I have a stretching session before a meal, I am more mindful of the foods I make and the portions I eat. Stretching makes me feel good about myself the way a good work out does. Just like I am not likely to come home from a great day at the gym and devour a candy bar, I am less likely to under or over eat after a good stretch. This has been a huge help with the downfall of nighttime snacking, which is probably why late evening is my most productive, intuitive time.
Nighttime stretching is amazing. After the girls are in bed and I treat myself to a glass of wine or a snack, I hit the yoga mat and sort out my day. I notice the full feeling I have. I notice any muscle that need a little more attention. I breathe out the bad moments and stretch deeply into them. Similar to meditation, I relax each body part starting with my toes and swirling up to my head. I fall asleep sooner, sleep deeper, and set myself up for yet another day on the right foot.
Feeling good about myself through stretching has brought on other good habits that add to my self-love and happiness journey, such as books over TV, tea over coffee, deep breaths before reacting, and time well spent with others.
All of this from simply stretching. Who knew?
Refresh Button - A Positive Outlook on New Change
Change has always been tough for me. I remember being overly upset when my childhood best friend's family decided to re-do their basement, where we had spent so many years making memories. To me, putting up new walls, getting new furniture, carpet, and lighting was covering a part of my childhood, and I was emotional about the renovations. And this wasn't even my house! Maybe it's because, until I turned 16 and my parents got divorced, everything in my life was pretty consistent. I lived in the same house my entire life, my parents had fairly normal work schedules, we had dinner together, everything was pretty much always the same routine. And somehow, what sounds like a good example of stability in my life had set me up to be totally unprepared for little changes that would inevitably happen.
This has been something I've struggled with as an adult in a life with unpredictable children and a husband who works all different hours. And if I'm being quite honest, I don't always handle it well - right away, anyway - but it's taught me a lot about myself and my needs, and also how to mentally sort out and handle new things thrown my way. I work well when I have a plan. I like to have an idea of how the day will unfold, what needs to get done, when my husband will be around to help with the girls, etc. And here lies my biggest downfall: planning. It's like the saying "don't expect anything and you'll never be disappointed"; so negative-Nancy, but also quite true. As I continue to practice mindfulness, I am getting better at just letting the day unfold, rather than be tied down to a strict schedule. All is good and dandy until Eric wants to change his shift at work, and my emotions get the better of me before I can logically and reasonably consider the positives of this change.
Tears were shed and negative thoughts filled my mind. At first thought, 2nd shift was terrible. This meant dinner, bath, and bedtime alone most nights. It meant losing afternoon family time and nighttime togetherness. It meant that between exercising and working, I would see him for 2 short hours during the day. It meant him not seeing Lyla on school days because she would be in school when he left and asleep when he returned. And with all of this negativity swirling around my head, it sounded like a terrible idea. Luckily, it was a short lived blip of emotion that I was able to turn around when I looked at the other side of the spectrum: the positives.
2nd shift means my husband will be on a normal sleep schedule, which is huge in and of itself: no more worrying about waking him, no more complaints of little sleep, and I get to sleep in bed with him every night, instead of just 2x week. 2nd shift means morning work outs any day I want; up and at 'em before my family is even awake; no waiting to see if he wakes up in time for me to make it to yoga or join friends for a run - in this way, I gain a little freedom and time, even if it is a 6am. 2nd shift will force us to make concrete family time plans, and we'll want to, since we will all be seeing less of each other during school and work days.
It gives us yet another opportunity to learn and grow - and for this, I am excited. We will have new schedules, new conflicts, a new appreciation for time, and more to learn about ourselves and each other. Change isn't always easy, but I'm hoping to stay focused on the good that is able to come from it all.
It will be a good transition into seeing my husband less, because he just interviewed for an electrician job within the prison. Positives? Monday - Friday, 1st shift, holidays and weekends off. Negatives? Over an hour commute each way, even less day-to-day time together, and another set of hurdles to overcome.
This has been something I've struggled with as an adult in a life with unpredictable children and a husband who works all different hours. And if I'm being quite honest, I don't always handle it well - right away, anyway - but it's taught me a lot about myself and my needs, and also how to mentally sort out and handle new things thrown my way. I work well when I have a plan. I like to have an idea of how the day will unfold, what needs to get done, when my husband will be around to help with the girls, etc. And here lies my biggest downfall: planning. It's like the saying "don't expect anything and you'll never be disappointed"; so negative-Nancy, but also quite true. As I continue to practice mindfulness, I am getting better at just letting the day unfold, rather than be tied down to a strict schedule. All is good and dandy until Eric wants to change his shift at work, and my emotions get the better of me before I can logically and reasonably consider the positives of this change.
Tears were shed and negative thoughts filled my mind. At first thought, 2nd shift was terrible. This meant dinner, bath, and bedtime alone most nights. It meant losing afternoon family time and nighttime togetherness. It meant that between exercising and working, I would see him for 2 short hours during the day. It meant him not seeing Lyla on school days because she would be in school when he left and asleep when he returned. And with all of this negativity swirling around my head, it sounded like a terrible idea. Luckily, it was a short lived blip of emotion that I was able to turn around when I looked at the other side of the spectrum: the positives.
2nd shift means my husband will be on a normal sleep schedule, which is huge in and of itself: no more worrying about waking him, no more complaints of little sleep, and I get to sleep in bed with him every night, instead of just 2x week. 2nd shift means morning work outs any day I want; up and at 'em before my family is even awake; no waiting to see if he wakes up in time for me to make it to yoga or join friends for a run - in this way, I gain a little freedom and time, even if it is a 6am. 2nd shift will force us to make concrete family time plans, and we'll want to, since we will all be seeing less of each other during school and work days.
It gives us yet another opportunity to learn and grow - and for this, I am excited. We will have new schedules, new conflicts, a new appreciation for time, and more to learn about ourselves and each other. Change isn't always easy, but I'm hoping to stay focused on the good that is able to come from it all.
It will be a good transition into seeing my husband less, because he just interviewed for an electrician job within the prison. Positives? Monday - Friday, 1st shift, holidays and weekends off. Negatives? Over an hour commute each way, even less day-to-day time together, and another set of hurdles to overcome.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)