One of the most important realizations of happiness is that it is no one's responsibility but your own.
Growing up, I pretty much always had a boyfriend, or a friendly boy-friend, because I didn't think I was capable of being happy on my own. I believed that happiness was something that was created when someone else made you feel that way. I thought I needed the mushy notes, the surprise flowers, the "I miss you" and "I love you" calls. This all, to me, was happiness.
Wrong.
At a wedding we attended this past weekend, it was said to not put the other in charge of your happiness, but to allow them to be a part of it and to enhance it. This is so unbelievably true. When I think back of the days when I have felt my most happy, it had nothing to do with how someone else made me feel, but rather how I created that feeling on my own:
Days where I chose to read a book or to write when Hannah napped, instead of clean.
Days where the TV stayed off, phone stayed away, and I watched my girls play for hours.
Days where I took deep breaths and didn't overreact.
Days where my husband or children's bad moods didn't effect me.
Stressful days where I took several time-outs to remind myself all that I am thankful for.
THESE are the things that make me happy, and no one is responsible for any of them except for little ol' me.
It is my responsibility to wake up each morning with a fresh start and a positive attitude, and to control my reactions with whatever the day throws at me. If I didn't do these things, I don't know how I would make it through our days of working, broken sleep schedules, a teething toddler, a sassy kindergartener, a yippy dog, messy house...you name it.
And then there's the icing on the cake.
Like when my husband gets a good nights sleep and is kind and patient as ever. Or when my girls are sharing and giggling away together. These are the things that enhance my happiness, not create it.
Of course, I have my days. I lose my shit, cannot stand another minute of whining, could throw my husbands phone out the window if he checks it one more time, threaten to throw away all toys if they are not shared, get frustrated with the dog...life. Life happens. The only thing I can do when these days come and I am not so earthy-crunchy-peaceful, is to forgive myself. Accept that today was not a good day, but that we have so many more days to do better. And to apologize. Apologize to myself, apologize to those who were mistreated by my reaction, and hopefully receive an apology in return for unacceptable behaviors. (Seriously people, just fucking do it. Every time).
I feel like I have relied on others for so much in my life, and it's so empowering to take my happiness into my own hands. I don't need permission. Actually, I don't need anything at all - that's the beauty of it. My days are better when I can brush off the bad and focus on the good - a practice I will never give up on.
This journey to happiness has also taught me to stand up for myself more than I might have done in the past. I put my foot down when I am being disrespected, or treated unfairly, because I know what I deserve. I say no to things I simply don't want to do, because there is nothing pleasant about forcing yourself to do something. And I stopped feeling guilty for taking time to do things I want to do, even if it means an extra hour or two away from my family.
There are so many other daily components that make this all possible too, like exercise, good food, and any time of the day that I just get to be me; not a mother, not a wife, not a massage therapist, but just me. Give me these 3 things daily and I am ready to tackle what's ahead, passing out free smiles as I go :)
Never put someone else in charge of your own happiness, only allow them to add to it and be lucky enough to experience it. Like I've said before, happy people rock.
